Naked truth: Introducing satire column ‘Dear Bisa’

Dear Bisa,

I  hate it that I have  taken this long without writing you my friend. I mean 10 years is way too long.

A lot has happened.

We used to talk about soccer.

Sundu is now a lawyer.

Geoff is back to back to his stupid  banking. Some idiot in some cooperate world and Dickie is at Bullets. Bakili has back problems and Cash money the bent Ref is dead. Charlie is out of FAM.

Forget Soccer lets deal with real stuff here.

Stinks.

I am an angry man Bisa.

Malawians are ungrateful people. They have no style. They don't know how to worship their beloved leader. They have no idea how important I am to them.

Look at how I found them. They were naked. Never had the shoes BM promised. Had no clothes.  And now the walk in the streets to protest  for what .Who is that primitive  chap from Karonga to call me names?

I had him beat up thoroughly.

He thoroughly  deserved it   I will do it if I have to.

Then there is Joyce can't believe she never learned from Uladi or that ungrateful  thug  from  Nsanje .

I love comeback kid, Ken. He knows his staff. Look at how he chuffed out Wandale and   he demonstration organizers behind the Lubani  road.

Who am I to deny these basic rights? Yet Wandale, Joyce and Zenus..Bisa where did Zenus get his ugly name?

I am not a tyrant Bisa.These Malawians have forced my hands. Do I have to shoot 20 of them to make a point.

The July 20 victims deserved to die Bisa. They earned it. They rightfully earned their death. Who am I to deny them the right to die?

Look at them? They are happily dead. Clad in their red t-shirts. Meanwhile Wandale is home eating chicken bones. Yet these idiot Malawians call me a tyrant.

Akagwere uko.

I run this country. That's it.

The only relief is that I have trusted henchmen in my doctor and Wavu. The boys know their joys.  They can sell ice to North Pole guys.   Where did I get these guys Bisa. Good boys Bisa.

I had a dream last night Bisa.

I dreamt that I was on a golf course in my checked shorts. C was with me offcourse. She had that radiant pink hat. I love that hat.

I was just about to sink 35 foot putt when I got a call  from the damn Chinese.

The guy on the end of the line was brief and concise.

"I would like to buy  your country for US$2million."

Wife agreed. I took the deal Bisa.

The next went on TV.

I told my people.

"I regret to announce that I have sold you and your country  to the Chinese. What could I do ? The wife approved".

Funny things dreams.

So long.

Patapata.

This carton was done by Damien Glez is a member of the Foundation Cartooning For Peace.

Nyasa Times 09 Sep, 2011

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Source: http://www.nyasatimes.com/columns/naked-truth-introducing-satire-column-dear-bisa/
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